Thinking Habits

Thinking habits play a huge role in your emotional well being. That is why it is so important to analyze and challenge distorted cognitive assumptions . After you have learned to hear your automatic self thoughts, and identify them along with your thinking styles you can begin to adopt a new way of thinking.

People can begin to counteract their distorted thinking habits by learning to reason with themselves and question their own assumptions and reactions.

Question The Evidence.

When your emotions take control of your thinking, it is easy to make an assumption based on no or unconfirmed evidence. Often times people are reacting to their own reaction. That is to say, they are reacting to their feelings rather than the facts.

We need to ask ourselves specifically what evidence there is to support our feelings, and whether or not there could be an alternative explanation. Find alternative explanations whenever possible.

We should also ask how likely our anticipated consequence will occur. This is a good thinking habit to use if you are catastrophizing .

For example: Your boss has a scowl on his face. Your assumption is that he is angry with you. You react with automatic thoughts about your work performance, and fear that you may be fired.

How likely is it that he may be angry about something unrelated to you? If he is angry with you, how likely is it that he will end up firing you? Do not deny that the worst is possible, but don’t assume the worst is guaranteed to happen without analyzing alternative possibilities. Simply giving yourself and situations the benefit of doubt will open your mind to possible solutions that you couldn’t otherwise see.

QuestionThe Meaning of Your Automatic Thoughts.

For example: “If he breaks up with me it will destroy me!”

Stop and ask yourself. “What exactly do I mean?” Do you mean you will physically die? Will you be completely helpless and unable to survive?

What a person usually means when they say this to themselves is that they will be emotionally hurt, lonely, ECT.

There probably won’t be an extreme consequence such as death, but the language we use with ourselves can create a strong emotional reaction to a situation as though there really will be.

Compare Advantages And Disadvantages.

When we are “stuck” on an issue, (which often happens if you struggle with an anxiety disorder) it is often because there is an emotional reaction clouding our thinking. So it is helpful to get into the habit of writing down advantages and disadvantages to whatever decision (for example, whether or not to stay in an unhealthy relationship) we are stuck on.

Sometimes it helps to realize that you have survived through other situations. Possibly worse ones. You will most likely have no problem surviving this one too. You don’t have to automatically know the solution to everything. Sometimes, if possible, it is best to relax and let the solution come on it’s own.

Avoid Assigning Responsibility.

A part of personalization is to take all responsibility for a situation that usually occurred in the past and then continuing to suffer for that responsibility.

Check the evidence and identify that each person usually has some responsibility. This can go both ways. Some people do the opposite and place all the responsibility on the other party and expect THEM to continue suffering for it.

Recognize that it is up to you whether or not you continue to suffer. It is not the old situation, or the other person in most cases. It is your self statements, thinking habits, self blame, and unwillingness to take responsibility for moving on.

If you have unfinished issues, come up with a plan to make amends and write it down on paper. This will help you decide what the next best step will be. Only take responsibility for your part.

This is not really about making a show of who is right and wrong. As tempting as it may be, it probably won’t be helpful to hand someone else a written copy of their part of the responsibility. This is to identify your part and help you assert your right to forgive, make amends, and move on.

Here are some examples of troublesome situations and good thinking habits or alternative behaviors that will help you solve them.

Feeling bad about self (feeling guilt and shame) ……………………Look at positive self, accept compliments, and remember accomplishments.

Mind reading (assuming we know what other people think)………………..Check things out, call out reality

Looking at leisure time as boring, do nothing, depressed, just using up time……………………Time for self, energy building time, develop healthy activities

Just talking about problems over and over (no resolution)………………………look at new behaviors, new choices, take action

Over controlling…………………………..Allow yourself to be taken care of, express hurt instead of just anger

Over committing……………………………..Say no and set limits

Giving and not asking for own needs to be met………………………Ask for support and nurturing, give to yourself, balance giving and receiving

Holding resentments (unforgiving) ………………………………….. Express anger effectively, practice forgiveness, and letting go

Guilt (self punishment)…………………………………………… Forgive yourself, Do things you want to do

Fantasizing about “what if” or “if only” …………………………………Take action , do something about it.

Blaming others (yes, but…) ………………………………………….accepting responsibility for own behaviors, forgive and move on

Using illness to avoid things…………………………………………. Face reality, deal with consequences

Feeling exhausted (no energy) ……………………………………………Take care of physical, emotional health ; Good diet, exercise

Black and white thinking (good or bad, right or wrong)................................ Expand acceptance of shades of gray, practice listening to others

Sarcastic behavior…………………………………………share hurt, fear, and anger